Hello? Is Anyone Still Here?
It’s been a while since my last blog post back in 2017, and my personal life has turned into quite the whirlwind. From a wedding to two babies, a pandemic, and everything in between—moves, illness, recovery, losses, endings, and new beginnings—it feels like I blinked, and suddenly we’re heading towards the last leg of 2024. It’s been a series of: turning pages, cutting to the next scene, shifting gears, and treading new waters!
Some changes are more obvious and prominent than others. As I reflect on these past few years, I’m reminded of how quickly life can change in an instant, yet it often takes a while to fully process it all.
Growing up, I moved frequently with my family—new schools, new routines, and new friends became the norm. At the time, I didn’t realize how deeply these experiences shaped me. On one hand, they planted seeds of resilience and adaptability; on the other, they stirred up uncertainty and fear of the unknown. The constant shifts led me to navigate the delicate balance between wanting to belong and feeling discomfort with each transition.
As a therapist, I see this tension often. Change is universal—whether it’s a new job, a new relationship, or a life transition. Some changes we seek; others take us by surprise. How we navigate these shifts profoundly affects our emotional and relational well-being.
Transitions offer both the promise of growth and the fear of losing what’s familiar. We crave change for new opportunities, yet resist it because it disrupts our sense of comfort. This push and pull is not just emotional, but physical—our brains are wired for safety, so even positive changes can trigger feelings of anxiety and indecisiveness.
For me, starting over in a new place always brought excitement mixed with loneliness. I’d wonder, “What parts of my past are welcome here, and what yet-to-form parts will emerge and be discovered here?” It took time to realize that transitions aren’t just about external events but also involve profound internal shifts, which can be the hardest to navigate.
Change challenges our sense of identity, as so much of who we are is tied to our roles, routines, and relationships. During transitions, we may feel lost, question our choices, or long for the familiarity of the past. These feelings are natural, though uncomfortable, as we adjust to a new reality.
Navigating Change with Compassion
So how do we navigate change with grace, and perhaps even growth? Here’s what I’ve learned from both my personal experiences and my work with clients:
Acknowledge the discomfort: Transitions are hard because they involve letting go of the old while stepping into the new. It’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even frustrated about this process. Give yourself the space to grieve what you’re leaving behind, even if the change is something you wanted.
Be patient with yourself: Change, like the seasons, takes time. Just as summer gradually gives way to fall, transitions don’t happen overnight. We often expect ourselves to adjust immediately, but transitions are a process, not a destination. Be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to have it all figured out at once.
Find your anchors: When life feels uncertain, it’s important to find stability in small, grounding routines. These can be simple—like a morning ritual, a walk in nature, or time spent with loved ones. These anchors remind you that even in the midst of change, there are parts of your life that remain constant.
Embrace curiosity: Transitions are an opportunity to learn about yourself. Ask, “What can I learn from this change? What new strengths or skills am I developing?” Approaching transitions with curiosity rather than fear can shift your mindset from resistance to openness.
Seek support: You don’t have to navigate change alone. Whether it’s leaning on a trusted friend, family member, or therapist (like myself), sharing your experience can provide comfort and perspective. Having someone to talk to can help you feel more grounded during turbulent times.
Change as an Opportunity for Growth
Change, while uncomfortable, almost always leads to growth, insight, and wisdom. In uncertain moments, we often discover our resilience and capacity to adapt. Transitions give us the chance to redefine ourselves, shed old patterns, and align more closely with who we are growing into.
As the saying goes, “The only way out is through.” We can’t rush change, but we can meet it with compassion, curiosity, and even playfulness, opening ourselves to new possibilities. It’s normal to feel uncertain, but that discomfort is part of growth. You’re not alone, and with each step, the answers will come as you find your way through.
As I reflect on my personal journey, I see the same patterns in those I work with. Change, whether sought or unexpected, challenges our sense of identity. We often feel lost or unsettled, longing for the comfort of what once was, even as we’re propelled forward. This is the universal push and pull of transitions. While it can be unsettling, change also offers us the chance to grow into a more authentic version of who we’re becoming.
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